To: AV Press
Date: 11/2004
Re: Voting Rules & Policies (aka What a Country!)
Upon waking up last week I find that Bush has stolen another election. OK by me, he was my candidate anyway, but it pains me deeply to see so many of my fellow Americans unhappy. In thinking on it, I have developed a two-part suggestion that we can work toward to help out the Democrats in 2008.
We have already established that all provisional or otherwise defective ballots should rightfully be counted as Democratic votes, the universal consensus among Democrats and Republicans alike being that the vast majority of those who can’t figure out how to cast a valid ballot are Democrats. So let’s first work to get that written into law.
Next, I suggest we consider the following: I belong to a membership group that held a balloting for a popular measure requiring a specified number of affirmative votes to pass. It failed, primarily because a significant number of members failed to vote at all. The work-around put forward by several disappointed members was that we total up the non-voters and count them as affirmatives.
I propose we extend that concept on a national level to anyone who can’t manage to vote in spite of motor voter laws and the mass efforts of paid and unpaid Democratic ‘register them all, living or dead’ teams. Since everyone agrees this non-voting group is composed primarily of liberal-leaning folks, let’s just go to the census figures, determine the number of non-voters (adding 30 million or so to account for illegals) and vote all for the Democratic ticket. Zingo! Problem solved.
To quote comedian Yakov Smirnoff: “America! What a country!!"